Eileen's Life Lessons

Giving up the grudge

Posted on: June 1, 2011

I love smiling faces getting into my van at carpool line, eating sherbet for lunch, and getting computer help from my children. I don’t love needing to ask for computer help from my children, because it usually means I’ve spent the last hour frustrated, trying to figure it out myself. But I guess I am paying for their education, so I should hope they’d share a little of that knowledge with me.

***

When it comes to holding a grudge, I’ve got a vice grip. I don’t easily forgive and forget, which I know is the wrong way to be. My son, Jake, at age 2, taught me so.

I remember distinctly the day I lost my temper with him and yelled at him. (’cause there was only one time I lost my temper, right?) He stared at me for about 5 seconds then went on about his business. Still angry at him and at myself for yelling, I was sitting on the couch, watching him struggle with a toy. Then he brought it to me and asked for help. He had totally forgotten that I was angry with him. Kinda seemed pointless to stay mad when it wasn’t bothering him at all.

He’s reminded me many times since how pointless holding on to anger can be. Just last night my daughter snubbed my invitation to join in a family game, and I stopped my husband from guilting her into playing, not because I was feeling charitable toward her but because I resented her choice of TV over family. And I said as much: “Just forget it. I don’t even want her to play anymore.”

Nice, huh? Real mature.

Jake gently reminded me, “Mama, you’re not giving her a chance to redeem herself.”

Don’t you hate it when your 16-year-old is smarter than you?

He beat me at Scrabble too.

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6 Responses to "Giving up the grudge"

Eileen,
i enjoyed your first entries very much. I can see myself in them for sure… especially finding hobbies now that the kids are older.
Congrats on your new adventure and good luck.

Hi there! Good for you for doing this. Reading your holding a grudge….I can relate. I usually don’t, but things have been going on at work that have disillusioned me and I’ve not been able to get past it. I will in time……keep up the writing! Gabi

It is great that you are doing something just for you. We really need to get together. I enjoyed reading your blog. Reminds me of my time with kids. Ryan is in Ireland, we go to see him in September. It seems like a long time but I am sure it will go fast. He is working for the same camp he has worked with the last two summer, this is a sister camp in Ireland. Keep blogging and I’ll keep reading. Betty

Some of us give up grudges easier than others.
Not giving up is not going to get anywhere any faster!
Loved it!

Congratulations on your blog! Fun Fun Fun! I completely know what you mean by your children, at times, being smarter the you. I use Thomas’ philosophy of “would you rather be right or would you rather have fun” all the time.

Love that philosophy too.

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Mid-Life Realizations & Reflections

43 years of life experience,
19 as a wife,
16 as a parent,
15 as a writer
= thousands of mistakes made,
lots of lessons learned (some learned more than once), and immeasurable amounts of grace received

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